INT. HAZELWOOD SCHOOL COUNSELOR’S OFFICE - DAY
Mr. White sits behind his desk.
Melinda sits opposite him, with her coat on.
MR. WHITE
Come back to school, Melinda. We haven’t seen you since Christmas break.
MELINDA
Me and Mandy are kaput and I don’t wanna see her face!
MR. WHITE
Melinda, you have to find the strength-
MELINDA
I ain’t got no more strength!
MR. WHITE
There must be plenty of other--I mean, Amanda isn’t the only--
MELINDA
She’s mine! I ain’t gonna lose her like I lost my dad!
MR. WHITE
You’re still in touch with your father, aren’t you?
MELINDA
It’s not the same. I miss him so much.
Melinda, on the verge of tears, takes her wallet out of her purse and shows Mr. White a snapshot.
MELINDA
This is when he took me to the pool at Holiday Inn. See, I was Daddy’s favorite. Him and my mom was always gettin’ into big, huge fights.
MR. WHITE
What about?
MELINDA
He’d mess around with her--like he’d poke her or goose her. Or he’d grab her crotch and stick his fingers in my face and be like, doesn’t she stink?
Melinda laughs. Mr. White is visibly shocked.
MELINDA
He was just havin’ fun, but she took it all wrong. Like when he use to sleep in my room...
MR. WHITE
Your father slept in your room?
MELINDA
Oh, yeah, off and on--right up till the day he left. He’d be like, “Lindystar, let’s go to bed” and he’d carry me upstairs. And she’d always give him shit about it. Then one time she chased him with this big knife and cut off his finger and he took off for Florida and never came back. He got a new girlfriend. I got hysterical. I stayed in my room for like, months after that.
MR. WHITE
Did you try dating?
MELINDA
I went out with a few guys, but they was all pigs so I decided to give girls a try. I met Mandy and we hit it off real good. She was my woman. Then Shanda shows up. I seen the way Mandy looked at her and I knew there was gonna be trouble.
Through the Plexiglas, Melinda sees Hope and Toni.
She hurries out of Mr. White’s office.
Mr. White immediately picks up the phone.
INT. HAZELWOOD HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
Melinda runs up to Hope and Toni.
HOPE
Hey, Mel, Happy New Years. I thought you quit.
MELINDA
My skin’s been breaking out like crazy ever since that fucking Snowball Dance.
HOPE
Amanda was there with Shanda, right?
TONI
I’m the one who told Hope she was going, right Hope?
MELINDA
It was sick’ning! They were all lovey-dovey!
TONI
Right there? In front of the nuns?
HOPE
D’ya kick their ass?
MELINDA
I totally went off on them.
HOPE
Forget those chicks, man. They’re not worth it. Come with me and Toni. Laurie Tackett’s pickin’ us up tonight and we’re goin’ to the Witches Castle.
MELINDA
That chick’s too weird for me. Does she really drink her own blood?
HOPE
Yeah, but she has a car.
EXT. MELINDA’S HOUSE - NIGHT
Laurie pulls up in her car and BEEPS.
INT. LAURIE’S CAR - NIGHT
Melinda runs out. Laurie is astounded by her beauty.
LAURIE
(to Hope) She likes girls?
HOPE
Oh yeah, she’s a big ol’ dyke.
LAURIE
Let her get in front.
Hope climbs in back with Toni and Melinda hops in front.
EXT. LAURIE’S CAR - NIGHT
They drive off, MUSIC blaring from Laurie’s boombox.
INT. LAURIE’S CAR - NIGHT
MELINDA
So I told her I go, “Mandy, it’s me or Shanda. You can’t have your cake and eat it too.” I am so hurt and pissed at her I’m wanna kill myself.
LAURIE
Should I get in the other lane and smash into that car coming at us?
TONI
No!
LAURIE
I had a thing like that for this chick Suzette. From California.
MELINDA
You into girls?
LAURIE
Whatever. She was the coldest person I ever met.
Laurie shows Melinda a picture from her wallet.
MELINDA
I love her hair.
LAURIE
Yeah, well right after this, she shaved her head except for the bangs.
MELINDA
(disapprovingly)
So then you did it?
LAURIE
She’s how I learned about cutting myself too. Once, I went real deep on the top of my hand and blood was gooshing out all over, but Suzette just pulls out her camera and starts taking pictures. I called her my ice princess. She was a mean-ass motherfucker but I loved her.
HOPE
You makin’ this up?
LAURIE
All of a sudden one day she moved to Utah. I said fuck it. Fuck her and fuck everybody else. Now I don’t give a fuck about a fucking thing.
MELINDA
I wanna be like that. But I hate Shanda, I can’t help it.
EXT. WITCHES CASTLE - NIGHT
A small, one room, stone building on a hill in the woods. MUSIC: P.J. Harvey’s “Plants and Rags.”
INT. WITCHES CASTLE - SAME
A candle and Laurie’s boombox rest on a stone bench. The girls sit on the ground. Laurie, eyes closed, moves her arms ritualistically.
TONI
(to Hope) What’s she doing?
MELINDA
Is she, like, Vogue-ing?
HOPE
She’s gonna channel some dead person.
MELINDA
What’s that?
HOPE
Dead people come into her body and she talks like them and shit.
TONI
Can she pick the channel she wants?
HOPE
This isn’t TV, retard!
LAURIE
(after more movement)
I hear the voices of dead people caught in the spirit world.
Toni takes out a pack of gum.
TONI
(to Hope) Want a piece?
HOPE
Shhh!
LAURIE
The voices want to speak through me. Someone is calling. Who are you? She’s calling my name. It’s Deanna the Vampire. Come to me, she’s saying. Come to me!
Laurie growls, shakes, goes limp and collapses.
Slowly, she sits up. Her demeanor and voice are that of a little girl.
Hope is fascinated, Melinda and Toni more perplexed.
LAURIE
I am Deanna the Vampire. I am the evillest person on earth. I want to kill somebody and watch them die. I see desolation everywhere. I hate God. I want to be a boy. My heart is beating real fast and it hurts!
She has a few spasms, then becomes Laurie again.
HOPE
Ain’t she twisted?!
TONI
Who was she talking to?
MELINDA
Some vampire chick.
HOPE
(pointing to Laurie’s cuts)
See that? It’s where she jabbed herself with a safety pin. And this...
MELINDA
Why’d you cut yourself?
LAURIE
So I can watch the blood ooze out. Then I lick it.
TONI
What if one time you cut too deep?
LAURIE
I die. Big fucking deal.
MELINDA
Don’t it hurt?
LAURIE
It feels good when it’s bleeding. All the tension drains away.
TONI
You should just take Excedrin.
Laurie springs on Toni, grabbing her arm. Toni screams.
Laurie releases her and laughs demonically.
HOPE
That’s her devil laugh.
TONI
Why did you try to scratch me?
LAURIE
I’m thirsty. I want to drink some blood.
TONI
No way!
Laurie pulls out her Swiss Army knife.
LAURIE
How ‘bout I cut you a little?
TONI
Get away from me! Hope!
HOPE
(volunteering)
I have a scab on my leg.
LAURIE
That’ll work.
Laurie picks the scab and sucks Hope’s leg, for Toni and Melinda’s benefit.
MELINDA
(to Hope) I thought she just drank her own blood?
HOPE
We’re best friends. It tickles!
TONI
This is making me sick. Seriously.
HOPE
(after awhile)
I gotta get goin’. I got a book report.
The girls stand and gather their things.
TONI
What are you doing yours on?
HOPE
“How To Kill A Mockingbird.” It’s fucking endless.
MELINDA
(to Laurie) Where’d you get that knife?
LAURIE
Kmart.
MELINDA
Lemme see.
Laurie hands Melinda the knife.
TONI
I was gonna do mine on “Are You There God, It’s Me, Margaret?.” It’s only 149 pages. But Miss Blank said no so I’m doing it on “The Secret Diary of Laurie Palmer.” It’s 184 pages.
EXT. WITCHES CASTLE - CONTINUOUS
The girls leave the castle and walk to Laurie’s car.
HOPE
What’s it about?
TONI
That girl from ‘Twin Peaks,’ the blonde? She wrote a book.
HOPE
Alright! I can just watch it on TV and make some shit up!
MELINDA
(to Laurie, re: knife) Ever stab somebody with this?
LAURIE
You can slice, but you can’t stab. It’s too small.
MELINDA
Tackett, you ever kill anyone?
LAURIE
I told Suzette I’d kill her grandma. She was a real pain in the ass. But it didn’t work out--Suzette had to go to rehab.
HOPE
I wanna go to Louisville next Friday. There’s a punk concert on Preston Highway. They’ll be tons of guys.
TONI
We can’t--it’s the Valentine’s Day Sweetheart Dance! Wait till you see--
MELINDA
Not another fucking dance! Is Amanda takin’ Shanda?
HOPE
I’ll find out.
MELINDA
I gotta teach that little bitch a lesson--once and for all! Tackett, I need your help.
LAURIE
I’m all yours, baby.
